The Massacre at Applebee's

     Well, we officially became "that table" tonight at dinner.  We met Brad's parents for dinner at Applebee's and enjoyed a nice, calm dinner (a rare thing for us), which surprised me because Morgan didn't take her afternoon nap today... at all!  Being that she's a very inquisitive child (and she's only 6-months-old), she gets bored very easily and is usually squirming to get out of her carrier or yelling to get your attention, which makes for some very stressful meals that are usually ended early before I'm done eating.  She's even more fussy when she's sleepy, which is why I was worried about how dinner was going to go tonight.  But Morgan behaved and didn't squirm or fuss at all, allowing all 4 of us to enjoy our dinners and take our time.

     After eating, "Gigi" (Brad's mom, Lisa) took Morgan out of her carrier to play with her and that's when the massacre of table items began.  First, the adults played offense and maneuvered all dishes and drinks to the center of the table, out of reach.  After this move, the adults immediately went on the defensive as Morgan made a guerrilla warfare attack on the plastic table topper holding the ad for lunch in it.  That poor table topper never stood a chance.  It hit the floor in less than 10 seconds.  Showing no emotional distress or regret whatsoever over the lost table topper, Morgan made her next strategic move for the drinks and desserts menu, smacking her pacifier against it repeatedly and hurling it to the floor as well.  The kid's coloring kit that the hostess, for some unknown reason, thought a 6-month-old baby would be able to do was the next plan of attack.  Applebee's creatively folds the coloring page up into a pouch with the crayons inside it.  This intricate, safe-like package was no match for Morgan.  Apparently, Morgan had been hiding some type of pipe bomb in her carrier, because within 2 seconds, the package exploded and crayon shrapnel went flying everywhere.  After the crayons had been dispersed amongst the floor to join the lost table topper and menu, the coloring page was swiftly dealt with as well.  Morgan's motto:  take no prisoners.  3 or 4 quick crumples and bangs on the table and the paper was thrown in the air behind her to join the poor souls on the floor.  The final blow for complete table domination was the total annihilation of all artificial sweetener packets.  Any that dared to come within striking distance (and through no fault of their own, many did unwillingly because they were tossed in front of her by "Grandy", Brad's dad, Randy) were quickly smacked and swept off the table in a sniper-like movement.

     After the smoke had cleared (and the bill had been paid), the destruction was devastating.  Mangled paper, sweetener packets, and napkins littered the floor.  Crayons, the menu and the table topper all lay where they had fallen.  They all bore silent witness to the truly awesome power that a rambunctious 6-month-old can wield.  The adults made a futile attempt to remove some of the "bodies" from the floor, but it was no use.  There was just too much carnage.  It would require the skilled services of our server, a bus boy and a carpet sweeper.  Our deepest apologies to the employees of Applebee's.